This is a partnered post 🙂 and you’re going to love it!
If you’re feeling anxious post-breakup and aren’t ready to throw yourself into the dating pool again, I get it!!
Dating is tough as it is, especially so if you had a bad and painful breakup, dealt with a toxic relationship dynamic, or simply took a break from a romance that turned out to be much longer than you anticipated.
Many share the same fears as they’re about to re-enter the dating market:
- They’re afraid of rejection and what it will do to their self-esteem.
- Feeling vulnerable about sharing their personal life with someone new.
- Fear of judgment on both ends – from their social circle about people you choose and by potential matches.
- Moving too fast and not having enough time to process every step.
The list goes on and on, and every point there is perfectly valid! 🙂
The important thing when you’re dealing with such thoughts is to understand that this state you’re in is not forever. And today we’re going to share the path, the tips, and the gentle guidance towards rebuilding self-confidence and getting ready to meet new people again.
We’ll also talk about the concept of explorationship and how it might be the best way to approach modern dating.
How to Feel Safe and Empowered Again!
Remember: It’s not about finding the one right away, it’s about feeling like yourself again.
And how do you do that?
#1 Rebuild self-confidence from the inside out
If you are going to be meeting other people, you need to feel comfortable in your own skin first.
- Use mindset coaching tools and tricks, such as self-talk, inner critic work, and affirmations to shift the way you perceive yourself. Take little steps every day and you’ll see progress eventually.
- Focus on what makes you feel grounded, attractive, and safe. Lean into your hobbies and spend time with people you love. Cozy-up your home to make it more enticing, so when you have no plans or want to relax, the environment you’re in makes you feel good.
- Take care of the little insecurities you had for the longest time that are actually easy to fix. Take some clothing to the tailor to make it fit better, make the diet change you know you have to do to clear up your skin, start working more to have more energy, and lose those few pounds that’ve been driving you crazy.
- Learn something new. Knowledge is power and it’s a confidence boost. Sign up for a language or any other course, get yourself a book on the topic you’ve long been interested in, or do training that will help in your professional life.
Dating confidence starts with feeling worthy of connection. And you achieve that by feeling good about yourself across all areas of your life – friendships, work, health, etc.
Tip: Don’t expect to wake up one day and feel that you’re perfect.
This is simply an unrealistic expectation for most of us. There’s also no perfection really, but even the flaws we have can be beautiful and helpful for some areas of our lives. Work on yourself, get better day by day, and you’ll start feeling this inner confidence that nobody can take away from you.
#2 Shift the Dating Mindset: Enter the Explorationship
If you stop a stranger on the street and ask them why they are dating someone, they’ll probably say something along the lines of wanting to find a partner or a spouse, looking to fulfill their sexual needs, or having a casual romance while they’re in town.
But what if we told you there does not have to be a reason for you to sign up on a dating platform and start matching with singles?
That’s right, instead of committing to a certain type of relationship from the start, you can go for explorationship instead.
As the first dating app which came with explorationship, Flure defines it as a modern take on dating where singles don’t try to define what is right for them immediately but rather match with someone, meet people, go on dates, and figure out what they want in the process.
Dating is confusing, and sometimes it’s hard to separate societal expectations from what we genuinely want. Explorationship gives allows just that.
- Connect with others without immediate expectations.
- Be in the moment and get to know people first, instead of having a certain endpoint in mind.
- Let the dating process be intuitive and effortless with no hidden agendas or list of boxes to check.
Why is explorationship great for people feeling anxious to date? It removes the pressure from having to know what you want right away and looking for a particular type of person and relationship as soon as you open the dating app. Less urgency, more organic bonding.
This makes explorationship apps a perfect safe space to explore your desires, values, and pace without feeling judged or rushed.
#3 Set Boundaries That Empower You
The next step is very important – you need to set relationship boundaries.
Each and every one of us has emotional and physical boundaries in relationships. Those are all the things we’re not willing to tolerate and consider disrespectful if someone breaks them.
The funny thing about boundaries is that you might not even realize that something’s bothering you and just live your life feeling uncomfortable in the relationship. Unfortunately, this is a common occurrence that leads to people despising being with someone and getting intimate.
If you want to build healthy self-esteem and combat dating anxiety, you need to spend some time thinking about your boundaries and formulating your non-negotiables.
Once you know what you want and don’t want from a romance, make it known to prospective singles, but don’t be harsh about it or make ultimatums. Others might genuinely not understand why something is bothering you, so try to explain it to them. If you do, and they still choose to ignore your preferences – a tougher discussion needs to be had, including a breakup talk.
It may feel weird talking about your boundaries because it’s not that common still, despite more people realizing its importance. Never be shy about talking about the things that ruin the relationship for you.
In fact, being open and honest about boundaries will invite better matches. People with similar values and goals, and people who are respectful of your wishes and preferences.
To summarize!
Dating is similar to sports. You can’t get better at it without practicing, and you won’t know your strengths and weaknesses unless you do something and see how it makes you feel! 🙂
Although being anxious about romance is perfectly valid, at some point, once you’ve done the prep work, you need to get yourself out there again.
Remember the principles we talked about today and start with explorationship that will let you date at your own pace and in your own way!
