No more misunderstood, all your needs being fulfilled…
Sounds like a dream right?
Discover how nonviolent communication can change your life (and your relationships!).
Why is nonviolent communication?
Are you looking for having relationships with less misunderstood and with more authenticity? Being loved for who you truly are?
What about fulfilling all of your needs?
The nonviolent communication method (also knowns as NVC) will improve your communication skills forever.
I knew a bit about nonviolent communication, but I wanted to know some more, so I learned with Sounds True and I will tell you why I think you should too!
I will be talking about a free training and later on in this post, I’ll talk about the course that is given by Marshall Rosenberg himself, the author of the method!
But first, let me tell you what is nonviolent communication!
What is non – violent communication?
We all feel sometimes that even if we all speak the same language, it seems like we don’t understand each other and it can be very frustrating.
Nonviolent communication is an amazing way of how to improve communication skills.
It’s not intended for only one kind of relationship.
We can use it in the small circle of the family and it can also be used in dialogs while working on conflict resolution between two countries that are fighting…!
Marshall Rosenberg is a psychologist and he’s the creator of this method.
The whole approach is based on a very empathic factor: every person part of the process needs to put himself/herself in a very open-mind and understanding position.
The non-violent communication strategy works on the idea that every feeling is being heard and that we all want to be understood in the way we are feeling.
How to communicate better, a process in 4 steps
For every situation of communication, the process is organized in a combination of 4 different steps.
To make it easier to understand, let’s imagine that Mary is the mother of Lukas. Lukas is 14 years old.
The moment he comes home every day, he’s taking off his socks and letting them on the floor, no matter where he is in the house. Mary is irritated by the socks that are all over the house.
They have been fighting about this issue for a long time.
In Mary’s mind, Lukas is being selfish and in Lukas’s mind, Mary is being annoying.
But what does this situation actually say about the two of them?
Let’s see how to deal with this situation with the nonviolent communication’s method:
1. ACTIONS
We need to describe the exact facts that happen or had happened in the situation that is affecting our well-being.
There are no judgments and no feelings involved.
In Mary and Lukas’s situation, let’s say that Mary will tell Lukas the following sentence: “When you come home, you are taking off your socks and leaving them in several places”.
2. FEELINGS
This is the moment when we need to say how this situation makes us feel.
You can find a list of feelings to express yourself easier.
Depending on how she’s feeling, Mary could say “When I see the socks in several places, I’m feeling stressed and annoyed”.
3. NEEDS
After expressing the feelings, let’s express the needs that are creating this feeling.
Again, Mary could say to Lukas: “I need to be organized and to see that everything is in its place, it makes me feel peace and quiet”.
We all have needs that are asking to be fulfilled.
The feelings are indicating us on the needs: if we are having pleasant feelings, it’s probably that the needs are being fulfilled, if we are feeling unpleasant feelings, we maybe need to change something/ask something to fulfill these needs.
4. CLEAR DEMAND
To end the process, clear demands need to be expressed.
Mary can ask Lukas for example: “Please Lukas, when you take off your socks, can you put them straight in the dirty bag?”.
I remember reading a book the story of a woman that said that her husband was spending too much time at work and not enough with her. She told him: “you spend too much time at work”, she probably wanted to say that she wishes he would start spending time with her at home (unclear demand).
What happened?
The husband started playing golf after work because he thought that “she’s right, I’m spending too much time working!”.
It’s an ironic story but just to show that our demands need to be very specific and clear so the person we are asking to change his/her behaviors will have a chance to do it right :).
A process that truly works
The moment that we are expressing our true feelings and needs, there is space for understanding and empathy.
The moment when we hear what is truly important to other people, especially when they are expressing what they really feel and the needs that they need to fulfill, we feel less aggressed or annoyed by their demands.
When people are expressing their feelings that way, it’s also showing that they are taking responsibility for the way they are feeling.
It’s not Lukas’s fault that Mary feels this way about his socks. It’s HER problem and SHE’s taking care of it by making HER demand to Lukas.
Learning CNV with Marshall Rosenberg, the author of the method!
I showed you that you can already learn A LOT with the free training offered by Soundstrue.
I also started with the free one, and then I saw the “real nonviolent communication course” given by Marshall Rosenberg, the author of the method himself!!!
I first saw that it was a pricey course (297$) so I put it on the side of my head for the next days.
Then, I thought about it more and more and decided that for a course given by the author of a method, it’s not that expensive at all!
I looked at it more like an investment: if it’s changing the quality of my relationships and then, I can say that it’s changing my whole life, it’s money well spent!
So I jumped in it, I learned the course and let me tell you what I loved about this course:
★ The origin of the method and the fact that it’s all told from Marshall’s mouth is simply amazing!
★ The course is giving you the practical use of nonviolent communication in the family, at work, between people from different countries in a conflict situation…
★ Marshall is giving lots of real situations that make every explanation very real, you can picture it your own reality!
★ The organization of the course is great: 8 sessions that are made of videos and audio recordings. There are also questions that you can answer that help you go through your learning, for example, these were very good questions about developing self-empathy towards ourselves:
★ Marshall is insisting on the important role of compassion and empathy in relationships, which really made me realize how we need to listen to what the other person is saying, it’s all about LISTENING and that not everything is supposed to be around us all the time!
★ We need to be connected to what is alive in us and to the people we are communicating with, there is not right or wrong, simply needs that want to be fulfilled!
★ It’s all about needs as I just said it, all the needs that we need to fulfill to feel happy, we shouldn’t judge ourselves! But simply listen to us and to what’s want to be hard inside of us, to what’s alive in us 🙂
Have a look now at Marshall’s course and invest your money in building real relationships!
Learn some more, read the books
There is also another way which is buying the books on Amazon.
I have many personal development books at home and I learned a lot wfromthese books.
But I’m still very convinced that the best way to learn something if it’s possible, is to live it.
So even if it’s an online course, being part of something like this includes benefits such as a strong learners community, professionals that can answer your questions or even just an organized support to seriously study a new subject!
