Have you ever felt lonely?
I know I did and I really wanted to know how to deal with it…
I tried a few things and now, here I am, sharing with you the shortcuts so you too, you can overcome loneliness… 🙂
What does it feel like to be Lonely?
Being in a solitary situation both physically and mentally could expose us to some extreme thoughts that could ruin our lives. However, it is also vital, as we will point out, that it is not criminal being alone. Sometimes, it may turn out to be the only thing you need to wind away.
Do you ever feel a sense of resentment and urge to hate everyone every time you are lonely? I have had to deal with such a feeling on numerous occasions when I feel empty. The most important thing, however, is to know how to overcome loneliness and start reaching out to people…
Let me explain to you how it should work.
Fanny Howe, a renowned American poet, writes that loneliness is “an uninvited and uncreated companion” that “slips in beside you” without notice.
I was in my final year on campus and involved in a relationship I regarded as serious. You know how we get excited by these relationship issues, at least, for many ladies.
So, here I am, dating ‘the love of my life,’ and preparing for my final exams. It was the best time to be alive, I thought to myself. Who could resist those cold evening coffee dates, sporadic romance movie nights, and exciting weekend picnics?
And then came the icing on the cake. Precisely what I had waited for during our four years of dating. “I want to marry you” assurance that my fiancé Elvis fondly whispered into my ears.
Then one cold evening, I am confined within my room, battling flu when Elvis walks in. Uncharacteristic of him, he doesn’t say a word. He drops a piece of paper on the floor and hastily walks away, banging the door behind him.
The note read, “My parents are against this relationship, and I can’t continue with it. I wish you all the best” Have you ever felt the urge to cry, but tears wouldn’t just come out? It was the longest night I have ever experienced.
Over time, I realized the more I wanted to hold on to him, the emptier I became. I would go to the gym, take a walk, or even just stay indoors. But I still found myself confined in a state of solitude and resentment. I felt lonely after the breakup.
Then one day, I decided to accept that he wasn’t coming back, and I needed to forge ahead. I realized I only needed to accept my situation to unchain myself from the past. It worked for me.
For a long time, I allowed my past to hold me back. I held on to an elusive person instead of giving a chance for new and better relationships.
How Can I Be Alone But Not Lonely?
I am madly passionate about personal development. I coach on many personal development issues. I have, over time, discovered that the best way to beat loneliness is to reach out to people.
Don’t try so much attracting people to you. Instead, reignite your energy, discover your magnetism, and engage almost everybody.
I am a confident woman who will confront challenging life situations head-on. However, I am also broken down by difficult moments, and I have my moments that I just want to be alone.
I want to show you how to, in your lowest moments, overcome loneliness with these smart tips.
Everyone has that time when they just feel depressed and alone. I have used the following steps to overcome chronic loneliness.
I hope you, too, can.
1. Make the Most of Your Current Situation
The period after a breakup can be the most devastating and dreary time. You just don’t know what to do. Your mind is often preoccupied with negative thoughts, and extreme loneliness keeps eating deep into your flesh.
Nonetheless, we can’t pretend that, within that time also, you experience some renewed energy and hope. You feel excited and happy.
When you feel positive about something, don’t wait to say it some other day. Share it with someone immediately. And by sharing, I don’t mean login your Instagram account and sharing with your imaginary 500 fans. No.
Identify a close friend, or a family member and share with them the positive story. And hey, some of these good things don’t have to be huge. You could wake up one morning and feel like you feel happier than the rest of other days.
By just being happy, and feeling revitalized, that is enough reason to share. Maybe you don’t know, but sharing such light moments create lasting moments of connections.
It is such connections with others that help you overcome loneliness.
2. Consider how you spend your Free Time
When you feel all alone, you may want to restrain yourself from any conversations. You just want to be alone, in some empty room, interrogating your mind and conscious. Yet during other times, our long to-do list restricts us from going outside and socializing with friends.
You may opt to lock yourself in a room, listening to music, and surfing through the internet. But did you know that spending all day on Facebook could be detrimental to your health? Most importantly, choosing to keep phones and watching movies as a way of companionship only make us lonelier.
You see, we create a life that deprives us of essential social interaction by ourselves. So the only way to break away is by approaching life differently. You need to start living different from the usual way.
We could use our loneliness and isolation as a motivating factor to reach out to people. The trick here is to find out where somebody’s attention is, and confidently walk there with your conversation.
3. Acceptance
The biggest mistake many of us do is to run away from loneliness.
Running away from loneliness could include:
- Sleeping
- Watching TV
- Engaging in different chores
They engage in the above activities as a way to distract themselves from feelings of loneliness.
However, such naïve tactics might only work for a short time. Like the ostrich which bends over to hide its head in the sand of unreality, so do these people. They don’t know that, consequently, they become an irresistible target for the paddle of fate.
The crippling loneliness has a way of breaking through the numbed bodies and tedious activity.
Yet others still blame themselves for being lonely. Don’t we meet them every day? Those who will never forgive themselves because they think they are unworthy?
But, did you know the best way to fight loneliness is to accept you’re lonely? I mean, how would you start medication for a disease you haven’t acknowledged you have?
Loneliness, like addiction, requires one to embrace their situation and consistently try to improve on it.
4. It is Okay to be Lonely- Have Some Compassion
Always remind yourself that it is okay to be lonely- and that there is nothing criminal about it. More importantly, remind yourself that you’re not alone. Others, too, feel lonely.
Whenever we get rejected and feel lonely and depressed, we tend to think we are the problem. We imagine something is severely wrong with us, and we need to change.
However, nothing could be further from the truth. Being rejected and nursing extreme loneliness doesn’t mean we were on the wrong side. What if the people walking out on us were unable to match our standards? Don’t you think it would be a blessing in disguise?
Now, look at it this way. You have always shown compassion for anyone battling loneliness. You looked at them and sympathized with their situation. Just like you showed compassion, so do you need at this time of loneliness and isolation.
Choose to see yourself through others, at least, during this moment of extreme loneliness. Cheer up and tell yourself you also need such kind of support.
Loneliness can also be a time to reflect on your relationship. So it is essential, after all. You just need some time alone to evaluate what didn’t work, and what worked for both of you.
5. Bring to an End the Negative Thoughts
It is normal to continuously think of what we might have done wrong to warrant our solitude. The mistake we do, however, is imagining that thinking about what we didn’t do right might solve our loneliness issues.
The only way to bring to an end to these negative thoughts is to take action. Decide to do something that stops these thoughts and change how we view the whole condition of loneliness.
For instance, if I am feeling lonely and depressed, I will walk into the nearest gym for a rigorous workout. Alternatively, I would plan a series of nature walks with friends and workmates. And hey, I am not saying these are the standard practices. However, they could help.\
6. You can do Some Volunteer Work
Is it not strange how some of us hardly find people to spend time with? Do you then expect such people to have a person they can connect with during their time of loneliness? I doubt.
So how do they make up for this void?
One sure way to reconnect with people is by throwing yourself into some volunteer programs. Clean schools, wash clothes for the elderly or teach in a local school.
And while at it, ensure you are not only working with others but also initiating new friendships.
You will be amazed at how working on a noble cause with people could decrease your loneliness.
Why do I feel lonely?
Being lonely is a common problem for almost everyone. The difference may be the level, but we all feel isolated from one time to time.
Feeling sad and lonely could be attributed to several issues. They could be some things we have control over. Some could be beyond our control.
The most notable reasons are:
- Technology- Now more than ever, many families and relationships are disintegrated thanks to mobile phones. We are all on our phones, not bothering to check on our parents, friends, children, and couples. Technology is slowly washing away the family ties and leaving many people fighting loneliness.
- Feeling strange-Sometimes, you just feel you don’t fit in a particular circle. You don’t dress like them, you don’t like their games, and you don’t fancy their accent. Finally, you begin to think you don’t fit in and excuse yourself.
- Important activities to attend to-maybe you are nursing a sick child or caring for an aged parent. You will definitely be alone during these moments. Don’t interpret it as a sign of rejection. Instead, use it to see another different side of you- caring and responsible.
Being Alone and Lonely- What is the Difference?
I will use two examples to show you the difference between the two.
There are times you are just alone, and you feel more comfortable and happy about it. Yet there are other times when you find yourself all alone, and wish there was somebody by your side.
Now here is the exciting part about the two scenarios. In all instances, you were alone. Right? But you were lonely in only one of them.
In essence, you can be all alone but still feel comfortable about it. However, it should be a concern if you start feeling lonely.
To sum up!
Even as you try to grasp all we have discussed, I want you to keep this in mind: You are in pain and feel strange. You feel completely different from other people, and you crave connections with anybody and everybody. Like we mentioned earlier, remind yourself that it is sad to be in your current situation.
Embrace your loneliness and treat yourself to some compassion. It is the least you need during that time. Do everything that eases your pain and helps you overcome loneliness. Most importantly, try as much as you can to reach out to others.
I beat depression with these… That’s a story for another time! Remind me to share it with you in the next episode!
Do you feel we have left out some vital tips on how to conquer loneliness? Please share to keep the conversation moving! 🙂
