Misunderstood and misinterpretation can happen very often since we don’t really see the reality as it is but as we are…! Read and smile about this funny story that I love!
ENGLISH DISCLOSURE: I’m from Switzerland (yes, chocolate!) so English isn’t my first language. Please forgive me for my mistakes 🙂
THIS POST MAY CONTAIN AFFILIATE LINKS. PLEASE READ MY DISCLOSURE FOR MORE INFO.
✓ Should I read this? You should read this if you’re interested in what’s going on when we are communicating: what’s being said and what’s being heard, all depending on how we look at things and the beliefs we have.
✓ How is it going to help me? You will start paying attention to what the other person is saying without necessarily interpreting or judging the person from what has been said! You will be more empathic and will less take things personally… no one is doing something against you in fact! 🙂
Interpreting what has been said
Why is the other person understanding something that I didn’t even say?!
I think that we could all do way better in terms of communication.
We should definitely learn it in school in a course about communication!
Let’s face it: why are we learning maths, English, History but nothing about how to talk to the people we love?
It doesn’t matter what kind of relationships, all of them can sometimes face misunderstood and misinterpretation and it can sound so silly!
Why is it like this when I’m saying to someone that I feel like staying at home tonight and the person may understand that I don’t want to see her/him? Interesting!
I remember a quote that says “I’m responsible for what I’m saying, not for what you’re hearing”.
In the end, it looks like it all depends on who we are, what are our beliefs, that will say how we will react to a situation or to what someone said.
By the way, have a look at my article about beliefs and discover what are yours!
I think that it’s not easy at all to talk to someone and to expect that this person will hear exactly what we said.
But I think it’s worth thinking about it and being more aware of it. Actually, there is a book that I read in French and that I love, they translated into English it’s called Being Genuine: Stop Being Nice, Start Being Real.
It’s an amazing book, really. It gives you the explanations and the tools on how to express yourself (and to listen to people!) in an authentic way to make sure there won’t be misunderstood or misinterpretation.
I highly recommend it! I read the comics version, but I’m sure that the regular one has the same content and is as great as the one I read.
About communication… A story that will make you smile
But for now, have a look at this story that I received once in my emails from a friend; this story shows the way we all read a situation differently and depending on the way we are!
It’s more in the kind of relationships between men and women but it’s the same with every exchange we may have in our every day’s life…
COMMUNICATION – THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN
Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while, neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”
And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let’s see …February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed-even before I sensed it-that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. Gosh, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90- day warranty. That’s exactly what they’re gonna say, the scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking: maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their…. .
“Roger,” Elaine says aloud.
“What?” says Roger, startled.
“Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have . .Oh, I feel so…..” (She breaks down, sobbing.)
“What?” says Roger.
“I’m such a fool,” Elaine sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”
“There’s no horse?” says Roger.
“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Elaine says.
“No!” says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
“It’s just that . . . It’s that I . . . I need some time,” Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
“Yes,” he says.
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) “Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?” she says.
“What way?” says Roger.
“That way about time,” says Elaine.
“Oh,” says Roger. “Yes.”
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
“Thank you, Roger,” she says.
“Thank you,” says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures. it’s better if he doesn’t think about it. (This is also Roger’s policy regarding world hunger.)
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: “Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?”
What to do now?
Of course that this little funny story is making fun of communication between men and women but I’m sure that it can be transposed in every kind of relationships…
We all can misunderstand and misinterpret what someone else said.
I think that we should simply be aware of it and try to see that we see the reality with our own glasses and that somebody else may be wearing other glasses…
Again, it’s all about the way we look at the reality and the beliefs we have!
Check my other post about beliefs to learn what beliefs do you have and if they are limiting or helping you in your life!
There are so many books about communication, between men and women, people at work, between two friends…
Today I want to recommend you to read a book that I really like and that I’m often opening again to check things. It’s called Being Genuine: Stop Being Nice, Start Being Real. It will show you how to be authentic to yourself and to the people you love, while expressing honestly how you are feeling. I know, it’s such a program, but I’m telling you, you won’t regret it 🙂 (You can also click on the cover of the book to access to it!).
You may also be interested in…
- Are Your Beliefs Helping Or Limiting You? (Examples Of Beliefs)
- Improve Your Relationships Using The Non-Violent Communication Method
- The 6 Self Help Books Everybody’s Talking About
- Read This Book To Understand What Happened To The Humankind