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I heard a few friends recently talking about their dating journey and how hard it is sometimes…
Friends are there to support each other and that’s great!
Today, I want to share something that can be HELPFUL for you, so it’s not exactly what you want to hear but it may HELP you in finding love…
So, why not? 🙂
You don’t know what you don’t know!!
The very first step for today is to start by having compassion for yourself.
Beating yourself up ISN’T HELPFUL and it’s not happening under my watch! 😉
If you want to find love and you don’t have this amazing relationship now, it’s okay.
Your past doesn’t predict your future!
You have to be somewhere and this is where you are!
Together, we’re going to look at what you can do DIFFERENTLY from now on!
We never know what we don’t know! So let’s first have a look at what we don’t know so… We can make a change if we want to!
The 4 things you do that keep you from finding love…
I like to dive right in so this is what we’re doing here!!
1. You have too many expectations and rules!
When you talk to someone through texts, when you go on a date… You have too many expectations on how that person should be, what they should say!
Of course, you have to trust your intuition, it never lies but often, you don’t give yourself and that other person a chance!!
Think for 2 seconds about the criteria you have for this person: What should be their values? What should they look like? What should their qualities be?
Now, are YOU, yourself, embodying all of these qualities and values?
For example, you want maybe someone that will love you for who you are… Are you in the state of mind of loving that person for who they are?!
The thing to do from now on is to TRULY give a chance to this person.
Truly be present while texting with this person and on a date.
Listen to them! Every human being wants to be seen, heard, and understood.
When you have expectations and you are focused on your thoughts during the date, you are not being PRESENT at the moment.
Give yourself a chance to see that person and give them a chance to be who they are!
Try these thoughts on just like a sweater:
“Going on dates is an experience, I never know what can come out of this.”
“I know I will have thoughts of expectations, I acknowledge them.”
“I can be present on a date, I give this person my full attention, it’s not that serious.”
2. You take it too seriously!
Of course, you are really serious about finding love: It’s something you truly want!
But sometimes, we make the assumption that if we truly want something, we have to stop playing and be serious about it.
I truly believe that the opposite is completely true!
Actually, it’s not black and white, you can be serious about it by spending more time reaching for your goal (here, by going on many dates so you are taking it seriously).
But what I mean by taking it too seriously is that, just imagine what’s your general attitude when you’re hanging out with your friends?
You most of the time I guess have a good time, you are chill, not too stressed, and not expecting too much.
What if you would go on dates with this same vibe?
I love when people tell me “but I’m acting really nice and chill on dates!” but no matter how you ACT, bottom line, the most important is what you are THINKING during the date!
The way we act or what we do always comes from what we are thinking.
We all know someone who says “I was really mad on the inside but was super nice on the outside!”
I don’t believe so much in this… Even if you truly believe that you are indeed making an effort, you don’t have to change HOW you behaving but more WHAT you are thinking.
Then, the behaviors, reactions and actions in that moment (in this case, being more present on the date and less taking it seriously) will seem authentic and will work in your favor: You’ll be your true self and let the other one be themselves too!
3. You don’t go on enough dates!
I heard someone say that going on dates should be like finding a job!
But I know that the comparison with looking for a job (and finding it!) can be daunting because looking for a job sounds like not a too-good experience for many people.
What if something else is true?
What if it’s possible to look for a job, to look for love and have FUN doing it?!
How would that journey, that experience be different?
I remember coaching an amazing client like Summer on finding love and she went on 3 dates per week I think.
Of course, it’s never about the number of dates, and it’s not about forcing ourselves until we HATE it but there is a middle between it.
So, the first question that I have in this part for you is the following: If I’m saying to you “One technique is to go on more dates”, what’s coming up for you?
THESE are the thoughts that are making you go through this dating journey.
Maybe you thought “nooo, I cannot do it anymore!” and this is the beauty of it.
When you think the thought “Noooo, I cannot do it anymore”, how do you think that you feel?
And how do you behave, how do you show up thinking this thought and feeling this way?
Of course, we NEVER want to beat ourselves up.
We did what we’ve done until now for a reason and it’s in the past anyway!
But pay extreme attention to what you are thinking when it comes to dating.
These thoughts are really what makes your experience of dating!
And also: How can you HAVE FUN during this journey of finding love?!
How could that be possible?!
There are days that may be hard… But still, it’s our choice what to feel on most days!!
4. You keep on DOING when you have to pay attention to what you are THINKING!
You’ve been trying many things, going on dates, going on the apps and… You blame people (they are all the same!) or the apps (they are useless!) but the CHANGE here is that what will be very beneficial for you is to have a look at what you are THINKING going through this dating journey, not what you are DOING.
And I know, it’s not easy to have a look at what we are thinking…
Because let me tell you why: When you learn that your thoughts create your reality (they are the origin of what you are feeling and how you are showing up), you then realize that you DO NOT have to change the world or other people to feel better and to find love, but you have to change what you are THINKING.
And this is how coaching can help you!
You don’t know what you don’t know so it’s perfectly fine that you are where you are today!
But I have GREAT news, HELPFUL news for you today: If you want to find love, it all comes down in what you are THINKING, so much more is in your power than you think it is!!
Want to find out?!
And then FINALLY FIND true love?!
Let me help you, it’s my passion!! 🙂
Book your FUN & FREE consultation below or book straight a one-off lighting coaching session!!
Together we’ll discover this and it’s going to be AMAZING AND SO HELPFUL!!
And why it’s related to feeling more confident!
Of course, when you discover that much more is in your control (because you CAN control what you are thinking!), you are going to feel much more confident.
You will feel genuinely at peace on the inside, I like to call it you’ll feel deep emotional peace, knowing that things are under control, they are in YOUR control!
So, of course you will still want to go on dates and find love!!
But you will not suffer like you used to.
Learning how to manage your mind will be one of the BEST learning you will ever do in this life.
It will then help you in your deep and meaningful relationship!
Let’s get this party started already!!
