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This is a funny one!
Dating can seem daunting… This will be our experience of it if this is what we think dating is!
Let’s dive into it to get all the crunchy details you’ve been waiting for…
A small detail for anyone already in a relationship, you can definitely apply these tips to your romantic relationship so… Let’s do this, for everyone! 🙂
Tip #1 to start right!
We believe that the success of our dating adventure resides in the other person we are meeting: Are they going to be good enough? Will it be possible to fall in love? Can we create a fantastic relationship together?
I’m going to show you how much more is in your control!
And this is basically tip #1:
- BEHAVE like you expect your date person to behave!!
What do I mean by that?
We often have a list of how that other person should behave, what boxes they might check.
For example:
- They need to be intelligent!
- They need to have a sense of humor!
- They need to have ambition!
- They need to talk but not too much…!
You get the idea! 🙂
It’s great to have an idea of what we like in somebody, why not… That being said, write down that list for yourself and then ask yourself: Am I, MYSELF, behaving like this?
Am I MYSELF embodying these qualities that I’m expecting the other one will have?
Make sure about this! 🙂
I remember going on dates and a guy was like “I need this girl to be very funny” and he was saying it so seriously and not only during him saying it but all the date, I was like doing a job interview and it was NOT FUN, not as fun as he expected me to be!!
That’s interesting right?
So… Right now, write down this list and see how YOU can embody these qualities, these “check” boxes first! 🙂
YOU do it first! 🙂
THIS is what’s really in your control when you go on dates: How YOU are showing up!
So, let’s make the best out of it! 🙂
Tip #2!
If you’ve been listening to the previous episodes (if not, what are you doing?!), you now know that we are showing up in the world, we are acting/behaving based on what we are THINKING.
This is why so many people want to change things they are DOING but my coaching is really focusing on WHO we are in every moment of our life and WHO we are comes down to what we are thinking.
I like to give the example of someone who wants to lose weight.
It doesn’t matter WHAT actions they are taking, what diets they are doing, if they have the thought at night “I love snacking something at night”, this thought will generate an emotion that WILL make them want to take a certain action (snacking maybe!).
So as you can see, what’s important if we want to change something is to look at what we are THINKING.
It’s the same for dating! This is why I’m presenting you tip #2:
- Don’t believe the judgments your brain is offering you about this date/this person!
What do I mean by that?
As I always say, the brain is wired to look for danger, this is why it looks actively for what could go wrong, a problem to solve, what’s BAD about someone!
This is why we judge, criticize and it’s not that we are a bad person, it’s just our brain that is wired for survival and wants to make sure we stay alive!
So… During a date, our brain WILL offer us thoughts of judgments.
It has good intentions, it doesn’t want us to get hurt, it wants to keep us safe.
So, the only thing to do next time you’re on a date is NOT believing these judgments from your brain.
The ones such as:
- This person may be too short/too tall!
- I’m not sure they are baby material!
- If we share the bill, it means that…
- I’m not sure this is working out…
This is JUST THOUGHTS, this is just your brain chatting with you in the background!
Next time you’re on a date and you see these thoughts popping up, do NOT believe them to be true! 🙂
Simply look at them passing in the sky like clouds! Or like a train passing in a train station without stopping to get passengers!
No, no to passengers! 🙂
Why does it matter?
Because we SHOW UP in the world, we act and behave based on what we are thinking.
Imagine thinking the thought “I’m not sure this is working out…”, imagine a person thinking this thought.
How do you think they behave and act during the date? They basically are already out of it!
And then, you’re not giving the chance to this other person and to a maybe fabulous relationship…!!!
So make sure you do NOT believe these judgments/thoughts next time.
They are never the REALITY, they are an interpretation of it and not always one that is serving you (imagine passing next to an extraordinary person and relationship because of them!).
Tip #3!
Tip #3 goes in continuity with tip #2.
When you realize that you do NOT want to believe those judgments anymore because you saw what it’s creating for you, how you’re behaving when you believe them to be true, you’re going to ask me…
What should I be thinking during the DATE?
Great question!
Since our thoughts, what we are thinking generates our emotions, ask yourself: What emotions do I want to feel on a date for it to be a good moment, for me to put all the chances from my side that it will go well?
Don’t forget: What you are thinking and the way you’re feeling is 100% in your control.
We believe the other person makes us feel annoyed, stressed or uncomfortable on the date, but the way we feel ALWAYS comes down to what we are thinking.
So, let’s start with the emotions, maybe on a date you want to feel:$
- Present?
- Calm?
- Curious?
- Friendly?
- At ease?
Start with one emotion, it’s already a great start! 🙂
Then, think of thoughts that could generate those emotions for you, for example (and try them on like you would try a sweater in a shop! To see if it truly generates that emotion for you):
- Present: I can be right here right now, it’s relieving to care only about right here right now.
- Calm: I’m okay, this is an experience, it’s okay, I’m totally fine, I choose to feel fine.
- Curious: I wonder how things will turn out, I’m open-minded!
- Friendly: I’m eager to get to know them, let’s see where this takes us!
- At ease: I’m at peace right now, I’m okay in this instant, it’s all good and it’s all going the way it’s supposed to.
The idea here, you got it, is to cultivate thoughts that will make you feel a certain way, a positive one and then, you’ll genuinely act and behave in an AWESOME way!
Because and I think you got it now: We act in the world based on what we are thinking so… Choose something to think that is serving you!
Tip #4!
Last but not least, tip #4!
- Go on many dates!
Look at this as an anthropological experience!
As I like to say: YOU DECIDE YOUR VIBE.
The way you look at things will determine your experience of it.
It goes with the idea that your attitude determines your experience.
If you think “dating is hard”, this is what you’re going to live and create.
If you think “dating can be fun”, this is also what you’re going to create!
If it doesn’t sound genuine to believe “dating is fun” if you’ve been believing the opposite, I understand…
By first being aware of what you currently think of “dating” is already doing 50% of the trip to finding love! 🙂
Remember, it’s not because you believe that “dating is hard” that it’s necessarily true!
It’s just a thought you believe to be true and the brain doesn’t like to be wrong so it’s offering tons of proof as to why it’s true…!
But now, you slowly slowly stop believing your brain, right? 😉
So, this is the experience of dating that I’m offering you: Go on many dates.
Meet many people and look at it as an anthropological experience!
Again, imagine going on dates thinking “I’m for sure going to meet someone that will be interesting or at least, it will add to my anthropological experience!”
You’re probably more relaxed and more fun to be around on dates thinking this right? 🙂
You always decide your vibe! 🙂
If you actively want to find love, it’s like looking for a job (and YES, even this search doesn’t have to be as negative as we usually say it is…).
Applying for jobs, you would not expect to get this exact first job you apply for!
Maybe you will! But it’s going to be a much more pleasant adventure for you if you go with this idea of “I’m doing what I can from where I am, I’m meeting more people, I’m going on many dates and I’ll see slowly slowly how it’s unfolding and who I’ll end up with!
This is why I recommend going on many dates.
As I talked about in the episode of “how to bond with a stranger”, you never know who you meet!
Maybe it’s someone who could be very important in your professional life! Always be very open-minded!
And the other reason I think meeting lots of people is great for is that it makes you less attached to one person: You less expect messages/answers from that person in particular!
Why not give it a try? 🙂
The only thing that can happen is having lots of funny stories to share once you’re married… Somehow, you’re going to MISS this time of your life! 😉 I’m telling you! 🙂
In summary…
Make sure you are going through these 4 tips again.
By applying even just one of them, you can change your WHOLE experience of dating.
If you believe that it’s harder than I make it sounds and you feel totally STUCK and doesn’t believe that 2024 can and WILL be the year you meet the love of your life, talk to me! 🙂
I’m going to help you get unstuck, have much more fun going on dates and… Drum roll… Meet the love of your life!!! 🙂
Sounds like a plan??
Book your fun and free consultation and let’s talk about it! 😉
Let’s have some fun!! 🙂
