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The BOND BUILDER SERIES continues!!
Today, we’ll be talking about how to bond with a friend!
Don’t raise your eyebrows thinking that these relationships are under control!
I mean, maybe they are! But listen to this and make sure you apply all of the tips to BOND like you never bonded before!! 🙂
Let’s do this!!
Small introduction…
Just like yesterday, I wanted to start today by sharing something that I found very interesting when I first heard it…
In one of my coaching trainings, one of my mentors said that “if you think of one relationship that you have, this relationship is actually your thoughts about this person”.
What are your thoughts about this?
We show up in the world based on WHAT WE ARE THINKING, it’s like a smell!
You walk down the street, you hang out with people, the way you behave always comes down to what you are thinking.
Think of anyone they know, we often hear “We are not mind readers, we cannot know what someone thinks” and I want to offer, what if we could, a bit at least?
When you see someone behaving a certain way, you can guess what thoughts are running the show in their head! If you don’t, from now on, you probably will! 😉
Ok so consider this a bit this week… What if a relationship is simply our THOUGHTS about this person? How could that be true? And how it serve you to think about a relationship this way…?
A friend is like a chosen family!
That’s what they say no?
That friends are like our chosen family!
Let’s see how we can bond with this “chosen family”:
Tip #1 today is:
- Talk again and again about common interests that you have!
You’re not friends for nothing!
What do you have in common and what do you both like?! What are your interests?
Consider this the next time you sit together.
I know that we start talking with our friends without really being aware of what we talk about or what we have in common, it seems very natural!
But start paying attention more and you’ll enjoy these conversations more, you’ll even find yourself thinking “wow we really have this in common, this is real bonding!”
You can think about this in advance and enhance it BEFORE you meet!
Think of one friend you would like to bond more with and ask yourself what do you have in common?
Again and we saw this yesterday, this tip is important because your VIBE, what you are actually thinking is like perfume! It brings a flavor to the meeting, to the conversation, to your friend!
Imagine the difference between these two people: one sits with a friend and has a good time and the other one has a good time and THINKS also that they have so much in common, that they enjoy this friendship!!
Often, we think we need to change WHAT we are DOING, I believe so much that what makes the whole difference is in WHO we are being, WHAT we are THINKING! 🙂
You’ll appreciate this friendship like you never did before!! You’ll feel like you belong!
And your friend will feel this way too!!
Tip #2 today is:
- Be there for your friend without giving advice!
Say the coach who is giving advice and tips! 😉
But often, we think that it’s very helpful to solve somebody’s problem because we care about them and we want them to feel good!!
Or we see them sad so we want them to feel better so we’re trying to cheer them up!
What I’m offering you here to bond even more with your friend(s) is to simply support them.
You do this by being present, by giving them a shoulder they can complain and cry on!
Ok, I’m not talking about someone who’s complaining 24/7 but you know the difference…! Someone who just wants to vent and empty their bag.
Create a safe space for them to just be vulnerable and fragile around you.
Let them know that you are supporting them, that you are there for them in any shape they would like!
And keep really in mind that most of the time, unsolicited advice isn’t really welcome… Even if it comes from a good place, don’t give advice unless someone asks you for it! 🙂
Just be present and tell them “wow, that is so annoying!” or “I understand how you’re feeling!!”, you don’t have to agree with the way they are reacting or the way they are feeling.
Your opinion isn’t that relevant, just be there for them! 🙂
It’s really much more simple than actively looking for solutions! 🙂
Tip #3!
Tip #3 for today is the following one:
- When disagreeing, have fun doing it and be interested in a different point of view!
Of course, laughing is one element to bonding that is SUPER important.
So, you can think of ways for you to bond together more by laughing!!
Here, I wanted to offer you a different way to laugh and okay it’s not really about laughing per se but it’s about having a playful attitude when you’re disagreeing on a topic.
If you’re both authentic, you won’t necessarily agree on everything and it’s okay!
When you have different points of view, you don’t need to be on the defense and try to justify yourself until the end of the night…
Imagine that both opinions can co-exist!
What can they think that makes sense to THEM? How could it be their interpretation of the reality for THEM?
Everyone has their own truth, something that seems true to them…
The way to go is to look at a perspective, an opinion different from you from a place of curiosity! You can tell yourself “I wonder why they think this” but from a genuine curious place!
And then, you can look at it completely detached from what YOU think and have compassion!
Again, you can tell yourself “Ahhh it makes sense!! If this is what they believe to be true, I can understand!” and not from a place of condescending, you have to genuinely put YOUR opinion aside and be open-minded to other ways of looking at things!
You never have to agree with someone.
But the ATTITUDE, the way you are in the moment, WHO you are in the moment, being present and being open-minded will make this relationship so much stronger!!
You both get to be who you are and who you want to be with your different opinions and perspective AND have an amazing friendship!
It’s not black and white!
We don’t have to agree to spend a good moment or to bond, what if we could bond WHEN we disagree?
You know that my coaching is all about breaking all the rules so… What if we could get closer with someone by actually disagreeing with them?
How could that be true?
Interesting, right? 🙂
Last tip! The best!
The last tip is actually going to be the same for all of these people…
It can be a family member, a friend, a stranger, a romantic partner… YOURSELF!!!
Keep in mind that everyone just want to be seen, heard and understood.
Let’s get creative! In this case, with a friend, to create a special bond, a special connection, what can you do to SEE them more? To HEAR them more? To UNDERSTAND them more?
What’s coming up for you?
Next time you sit with a friend of yours, think about this: How can you really be present with this person, giving them your undivided attention and listening genuinely to them?
It goes back also to the idea of simply asking questions to this person, being sincerely interested in the answers, making them talk about themselves, people LOVE sharing about themselves!
And as always, it’s not asking too much of you I promise!
All you have to do is simply to be present, be genuinely interested in this person and listen to what they are sharing!
This is very funny but people will LOVE your company… Without you doing anything in particular, no need to impress with knowledge or anything, just by your presence and your attention!
Let it be the word of these series: people just want to be seen, heard and understood!! 🙂
In summary…
This work is SO INTERESTING!!
There is nothing like a nice friendship right?!
Go back to these 4 tips and make your friendships deeper than you ever thought they could be!!
And of course, if all of this resonates with you but it seems hard to implement into your life, let me coach you!
You can really have FANTASTIC relationships, all of them in your life by changing what YOU are thinking!
I remember hearing the idea that a relationship is basically your thoughts about this person!
And often, we think we need to change this other person to make this relationship better!
What if it would be easier than that?!
Let’s discuss it, let me coach you tailored to your needs!!
You’re going to LOVE IT!!
Make sure you book your consultation before the 19th of February so that we can discuss working together BEFORE my prices are rising up! 🙂
Your life is really nice now but I’m telling you, when you have the skill of being in control of your thinking and in consequence of your relationships, you are going to LOVE YOUR LIFE and YOURSELF like you never did!!
Click below and book your consultation! 🙂
