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Misunderstood!
The misunderstood itself is annoying but also the moment when you’re trying to discuss it and to make sure that this time, you’ll be understood!
Let’s go through the 4 steps that will help you stop feeling misunderstood for good!
Are you ready for this?
Why misunderstandings?!
Of course, this is happening!
It’s important to keep in mind that there are many steps in every communication process!
There is:
- You having thoughts and wanting to say something
- You saying something
- Someone else, the way they perceive what you are saying
- What they make it mean (what you’re saying)
So… It can totally make sense that there are what we call “misunderstood and misunderstanding”!
As you can see, this was not a street line of an easy communication moment!
Let’s take an example to make things clearer.
- You think: “I’m going to say that I don’t like to lend money to friends”
- You say: “Actually, I don’t like to lend money to friends”
- Someone else thinks of what you said: “It’s crazy that she doesn’t want to lend money!”
- What they make it mean maybe: “She’s selfish! When you’re a good friend, you’re helping your friends that need your help!”
Of course, this is this person’s belief! 🙂
But I just want you to pay attention that there are many “tunnels” of communication from the moment you want to share something to how the person is interpreting it…!
Crazy right?
By simply being more aware of it, you can already look at it with more compassion and curiosity than you did until now! 🙂
No matter the nature of the relationship!
And this misunderstood can happen in any relationship that you have…
Even the one that you pay almost no attention to, at the supermarket, at the coffee shop…
You can use these steps starting right now with anyone that you want to stop feeling misunderstood!
Feeling misunderstood… Comes from one thought!
Of course, as I always say, your feeling of “misunderstood” comes from a thought that you have.
Think about a situation you felt misunderstood lately. Do you have it?
Now, think of what you might have thought that made you feel misunderstood?
And if you’re not sure, it’s totally okay to guess!
It could be:
- This person didn’t get what I said
- It’s not at all what I said!
- It’s not at all what I wanted to say!
- They’re wrong!
Just recognizing that you have felt this way because of a thought you had is helping you get all of your power back!
It’s never someone that makes you feel a certain way but it’s because of a thought that you have about what they said/done! Amazing right? 🙂
Let’s dive into the steps!
4 steps to stop feeling misunderstood
As you can probably imagine, the very first step is…
1. Understand that you are creating this feeling by a thought that you’re having!
So, ask yourself, what are you thinking that makes you feel misunderstood?
Just thinking of 1 single thought will bring you so much more clarity!
Now, you understand that maybe you’re not even that misunderstood!
Your brain comes up every day 60’000 times! And it doesn’t mean that those thoughts are actually TRUE!
Crazy, right? 🙂
2. Ask yourself: What do you make it mean that you’re being misunderstood? Why is it a problem?
The second step is to actually ask yourself: Why is it a problem that you’re being misunderstood? What do you make it mean about yourself?
And there, it goes with this step: ALLOW the emotion of being misunderstood!
Nothing has gone wrong! Feeling comfortable and uncomfortable emotions is part of being a human being!
Breathe into it, it’s going to pass! 🙂
3. Express yourself in a different way.
It’s possible that expressing yourself in a different way can try to get your message to pass to the other person with more clarity…
So, how can you say what you said differently?
Try something else! 🙂 Don’t use the same words, try to explain it as you would to an 8-year-old.
4. Relax! Refocus on what is in your control and LET GO!
After going through the first 3 steps, you realize that…
You created that feeling of misunderstood in your head and you know what you make it mean.
You are really more aware of it and don’t feel like the way you feel depends on what somebody else is doing or not, saying or not!
You take your power back!
Then, you put the chance on your side and for your own sanity, you reformulated it!
Now… The next step is really to LET GO, to relax, and to have control over what you have control over which is your thoughts (you did with the 2 first steps) and your actions (with what you said in step 3).
You have always control only over those elements:
And, you have to accept and let other people think whatever they’re going to think!
Actually, it’s way less pressure! You’re not responsible for how somebody’s going to feel (of course, if you’re not violent! And this could be discussed!).
So, have control over what you actually have control over, and RELAX!
Don’t forget to BREATHE and allow the emotion!
Then, you can always come back to the very useful question that is:
Why do I feel misunderstood? What is the thought that I’m thinking that makes me feel this way?
And why is it a problem that I think that I’m misunderstood?
How it’s helping build confidence…
And of course, understanding that YOU are creating your emotions, breathing into them, and discovering what thoughts are creating them is tremendously helping you in building your confidence!
You then discover that you’re not afraid of feeling any kind of emotion because you can handle it, you have your own back!
And this my friends, is definitely a huge confidence boost! 🙂
Your next action…
Go through the steps again and imagine yourself in a situation you may feel misunderstood.
You can use this process with every relationship that you want!
To sum up!
As you can see, you can have more control over the way you’re feeling.
It’s most of the time, happening all in our heads! 🙂
By understanding why we feel this way and what is really in our control, we can release the reins, RELAX and do what we can, feel better and be understood from within! 🙂
