Are you sometimes seeking other people’s approval and validation?
And how to live more authentically?
You’re not alone!
Discover what the expert, Kamini, has to say about it!
Let’s dive right in!
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Who is Kamini?
Kamini is a certified life coach and she works with high achieving adults and teens on dealing with stress and anxiety that comes with trying to do it all and do it all perfectly!
“What I mean by that, the individuals who are trying to please others and lived to these external expectations and external validations and who are ready to recenter and reidentify with who they are authentically so that they can go from simply checking boxes to actually living the life that they choose to live.”
And beyond work, she’s also the mom of 5 wonderful human beings (6 to 18 years old), 3 girls and 2 boys. They are her inspiration to try to be a better person every single day!
Our belief patterns start when we are young…
I shared with Kamini that I think it’s amazing that she’s working with teens because young people could definitely use some personal development to become happy and fulfilled adults!
“The reason why I really am drowned to work with teens in addition to the adults is that a lot of our belief patterns start when we are younger.
If we can start to identify either those people-pleasing patterns and beliefs, this need for this external validation, we are defining our happiness and our success from external forces rather than internal forces.
If we can start to address that at an early stage then as these teens are growing into adults and becoming their own person, they have a stronger base to draw from.”
Emotions are really okay!
Kamini shares that:
“One of the majors’ things that I see missing from school today is the social-emotional learning component.
That ability to handle stress, stress management, and also just understanding emotions, recognize that emotions are meant to be in motion and are teaching us something.
If we could teach our younger adults that it’s okay first of all to have the emotions that they’re having and also allow them the time and space to process so that they can move forward rather than trying to put them in a container and suppressing them.
The problem is that these emotions are left unprocessed and eventually, they’re just going to recycle and when they recycle, they are doing it in stronger forms, it’s better to let them be in motion!”
How did Kamini start helping people?
“My own story is myself am a type-A personality, I’m a people-pleasing perfectionist.
I was going through life defining myself by the rules I was playing and my self-worth was mainly determined by the things I was checking off the to-do lists and how well I did it and did people recognize how well I did it.
Honestly, being a mom was that catalyst moment when I started seeing my own children emulate those people pleasers behaviors.
It was that self-aware moment when I said: “Oh my goodness, if I don’t change this, this is going to repeat for more generations”, so I went through my own self-transformation and during that process, I realized first of all that my heart was calling me to work with others but secondly, it puts me in a unique position to help others.
I understand the stories and the thought-patterns and the beliefs-patterns that my clients are dealing with because I walked that walk myself.
I’m uniquely able to walk with them and collaborate with them and help them now break those belief-patterns and thought-patterns and start to introduce new ones.
I help them figure out how they want to write their story, rather than repeating the old belief patterns that don’t longer serve them. So I see myself as now a catalyst for them to start moving forward with whatever growth.”
What do you need help with?
(Choose between the 2 options)
What is co-dependency?
Does it have to do with the approval of others I wonder?
“Co-dependency can be a couple of different things.
You can become co-dependent on another person and their approval and their validation.
But you can also become co-dependent on the rules that you play.
You can become co-dependent on being an over-contributor or being somebody who is over-functioning; like you can only function by over-functioning and so you become co-dependant by doing all the things when we define ourselves by the rules that we play.
We can end up becoming co-dependent on somebody else validation of self.
It’s so important to recognize that this ends up breading toxicity because we lose ourselves, so we need to be more an interdependent relationship, the “us”.
We function together but we also have our own identity where we don’t lose our own core values!
We have to recognize that we get to define our self
If we want to be happy with someone, we need to be happy with ourselves in the first place!”
I agree 100% with this…!
We can be our own worst critic!
Kamini and I agreed that sometimes, we can be mean to ourselves!
She says that: “we have to slow down first of all and ask: would we say that to a friend?
And if no, why in the world are we saying that to ourselves?
We have to recognize that we have to be compassionate to ourselves, we are trying to do the best that we can and so if we are consistently beating ourselves up and judging ourselves, we’re just going to get stuck.
That’s why with my clients, I encourage them to go through the process at the end of each day, recognize 2-3 things that they did well whether they’re big or small, to get to a pattern to recognize I am doing things and I’m doing things well.
Because we are so quick judging ourselves when we don’t do anything well.
If we can get into this pattern of recognizing the things that we are doing right, it raises that vibration and we are able to create that new patterns that are celebrating oneself.”
Who we are authentically…
We talked about getting to know ourselves and dealing with our emotions.
When it comes to authenticity, Kamini is really the expert!
“What I realized, so often when we are trying to meet the expectations of others or just looking for their approval, we turn ourselves inside out and we lose track of, it’s getting in touch with our core values.
Beyond that, it’s getting in touch with what do I feel and what do I need and when we can ask ourselves those questions and answer them, we really understand who we are authentically.”
Embracing this authenticity…
I’m all about authenticity, I truly think that being authentic and being loved for who we truly are is one of the best feelings that exist, right?
About that, Kamini shares:
“Embracing who we are authentically and understanding that when each of us shows up as our authentic self, that is such a gift to the world.
We don’t need to be carbon copies of each other when we show up as exactly who we are and we honor our thoughts and our feelings (for example, when we don’t feel happy and it’s okay to admit, “I’m kind of upset today!”), we don’t have to jump into fix-it mode, that’s what I mean by being your authentic self.
This is who I am and I 100% accept that and I don’t need the approval of somebody else to say that’s okay.
Internally, I know that I’m exactly who I meant to be.”
What to do when we seek other people’s approval and validation?
Kamini is confident! 🙂
“People are really ready to make the shift.
They start to practice to really getting in tune with how they feel and what they need.
What does that look like?
It looks like during the course of the day, it’s about being more in the present.
The way I am more present is to connect with my 5 senses.
What do I hear, see, touch, smell, what’s the taste in my mouth, that keeps me present in the moment, all the thoughts rolling in my head settled and from that present moment, just ask myself: what do I feel right now?
And then from there, what do I need?
When we get into this practice of dialing to our authentic self without looking externally for “is that okay? Should I feel this way? Should I be thinking this way?”
We are really diving into what it is that we feel and what we need.
And that would be the first step that I would suggest for people that would be ready to break the pattern is to really practice that!”
It’s okay to feel this way!
Kamini’s main audience is adults and teens.
She makes them feel very comfortable, I’m sure that she’s perfect for this! 🙂
“I like to create this safe space when I work on 1 on 1.
I like to create this safe space where it’s okay to share these things and to recognize that there’s nothing wrong with you, there’s nothing to fix, it’s just to recognize the people-pleasing or box-checking, the feeling of “not-enoughness”.
All of those thoughts that pop up that can be shifted.
All you need is to be ready, be aware, and willing to make those shifts, and then we work together so you’re not alone in the process, it’s just a matter of making those small shifts and changes.
Then together, they create this larger shift that gets to be made and all of those goals and visions you have for yourself can become reality!
But when we’re stuck in constant seeking those external validations, the thought process is “oh I’m not good enough, I’m meant to be alone”, and there’s nothing wrong with you.
It’s just a matter of shifting!”
How is Kamini helping others?
“I coach people 1 on 1.
I work virtually, I do either via Zoom or phone and we speak every single week for a certain amount of time.
I work in packages. We work on the past patterns and then we start figuring out how to make certain mindset shifts and behavior pattern shifts. We collaborate, we move toward the goals and visions they have for themselves.
More about Kamini!
Step 1. Book your Complimentary Clarity Call (30′).
I like how Kamini makes us comfortable by writing:
Chances are you’re thinking ‘will coaching really help?’ or ‘is coaching for me?’
Give yourself this thirty minutes.
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain! 🙂
Step 2. Join her free & private Facebook Group
Step 3. Get to know her!
Step 4. Get in touch with her!
Send her a message on Facebook or send her an email, she’s answering very quickly, it’s so pleasant! 🙂
To sum up!
I like how Kamini and I agreed that being more self-aware is already a lot!
She adds that:
“I genuinely say that awareness is that doorway to change and it’s really your decision if you’re willing to walk into that doorway or not.
I love talking about this topic because I feel if we can bring it out of the shadow in the light, that’s when shifts and changes can happen.
When we hide from it, we stay stuck.”
Kamini is definitely THE ONE you have to talk to when it comes to seeking others for approval and validation.
You can change these pattern beliefs! You’re not alone in this! 🙂
Kamini is part of people that are changing the world, I’m so glad I had the opportunity to talk to her!
Thank you Kamini! 🙂
You may also be interested in…
- 8 Self-Confidence Examples to Help You Live Your Best Life
- 10 Burning Questions About Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem
- How to Build Self-Worth, 5 Proven Tips to Help You!
- Stop Comparing Yourself to Others, The Ultimate Guide [2020 Updated]