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We all try to find solutions, fix situations, go through our day with a lot of stress, overwhelmed and… “Seriousity”!
What if the complete opposite would be truer?
Let me show you what I mean by that and how it may change everything for you!!
The way it normally goes
What is happening is that often, we go through our day by doing task after task with a seriousness… Very serious.
And it makes sense!
We want to take things seriously because all the things sound serious: Our kids, our partner, our job, and all the paperwork for our apartment/house.
It’s coming from a good place because it’s about us wanting to be in control of our life and to do it the best that we can!
But I thought of something recently…
There is really kind of a badge of honor for doing hard things, for working long hours, for “suffering”.
You know when you hear someone saying “But it’s very hard for that person”, it implies that we have a bit more respect and empathy for them!
And don’t get me wrong, both of them are really awesome but here’s what I mean by that: We make it VERY VERY serious.
And the consequence is that we have much more negative feelings because don’t forget that we create all of our feelings!
And I do always share that 50% of the time, our emotions are going to be negative (uncomfortable) because the brain is wired to protect us so it will look for danger!
But what I’m saying here is that we are creating MUCH MORE unnecessary PAIN, and suffering!!
The example, as always!
I like examples, they facilitate my understanding, always!
Let’s imagine that you have to get organized to pay your taxes.
First, for sure if you’re like me and I would say 95% of the people, you’re going to dread doing it.
You may procrastinate on doing it (which always makes me think of the quote “The most tiring task is the one that did not get started yet!”) but most of it, before doing it, while doing it and after (while paying them?!), you might have LOTS of negative emotions coming from thoughts such as “I don’t want to do it”, “I don’t like doing it…” and it makes all of this very SERIOUS!!!
Learning ASL, the example!!
I heard somewhere recently, the comparison with going on dates.
What do you expect the other person to be like? Nice? Confident? Fun? Listening?
And how are YOU behaving? Are you like this? Are you going on dates (or used to go!) with a light vibe? Good energy?
This idea helped me a lot because I remember that when I used to go on dates, I was really not taking it too seriously AT ALL.
I was really having fun meeting new people, I did not overthink it AT all and I guess this is how I found easily the love of my life (so romantic of me!).
I don’t say that you have to be passive to meet the love of your life but I’m 100% that it doesn’t have to be that hard!!
WE make it so much harder!
All because of what we are thinking!
And this is what was happening recently while learning ASL.
I was beating myself up, blaming myself for not being fast enough at learning it (my dream is to coach in Sign Language by the end of the year!).
It was really NOT FUN…
It really changed recently when I realized that I was making it SO SERIOUS and that it absolutely did not have to be that hard.
The solution of RELAXING!
I am not talking about laying down on an amazing beach with a cocktail/mocktail in your hand!
This is an amazing relaxation of course, but what I’m talking about in that moment is to really find the way to be RELAXED in your head when you’re doing this task, when you’re solving that problem!
And you can TOTALLY be very focused on a task but what I’m talking about relax is to take it LESS hard, less take it SO SERIOUSLY, and to have a clean brain!
Often, we are unnecessarily feeling uncomfortable/negative emotions and indulging in them!! Like you have to take care of this task and you make it much more serious in your head than even before being on that task…!
So, think about something that you do in your life with this state of “relaxed”, your brain is very clean and not making too serious!
Maybe, hanging out with friends? Watching TV? Of course, our attention is not the same but what I’m talking about is the general “relaxed” attitude, a more relaxed state BECAUSE (always!) of what you are THINKING.
It’s been working for you to have this relaxed attitude in these moments of your life, so let’s use them to feel more relaxed in many other moments in our life, because why not?!?
