Of course, You Have Those Manuals… Part 1
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Of course, You Have Those Manuals… Part 2
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Of course, You Have Those Manuals… Part 3
Do you want to hear more of my accent?! Discover all episodes here!! 🙂
This might change everything for you…
Such a powerful tool to use every single day of your life!
You’re ready for this?!
Get ready for the “Manual 3-part podcast episodes!”
We all have manuals…
You know when you get a new appliance, a new tool, or just a new tool/gadget!
In the box, you’re going to find a manual on how to use it.
Without knowing it, that’s exactly what we have for our relationships!
And actually, not only in our relationships but also for the world around us.
We think that we know how people should behave and how the world should be!
Do you know why? So that WE can feel better!
But there is a problem here… And it’s that people don’t want to follow our manuals!
And that the world isn’t behaving the way it should!
So, to understand better the impact having these manuals have on our life, I organized them into 3 different podcast episodes so at the end of each one of them, you’ll be able to pay attention to this area only and you’ll improve your life right away.
As you know, I like when things are clear and simple so this is how I did it here too!
If you want more details on those manuals, you have to check out the Life Coach School Podcast!
Brooke Castillo came up with this idea and I absolutely have to spread the word about it because it really changed everything for me and improve my relationships and my well-being so so so much!!!
Part 1: The manual you have for others!
It’s amazing because the moment you’re going to be more aware of this, you’re going to see and hear people talking about their manual all day long.
And it’s going to be hard not to say anything!
Step 1. Recognize that you have this manual.
Having a manual for how others should behave can look like thinking for example…
- A good husband should take the trash out.
- A good friend should wish you a happy birthday.
- If you’re polite and educated, you have to shake hands.
- People are not supposed to talk all dinner long.
- People shouldn’t be late.
- My boyfriend should offer me flowers on Valentine’s Day.
- A good daughter should be grateful to her parents!
It usually rimes with “this is how people should behave”.
Interesting, right?
They all seem so true to us!
Think of what sentences you consider as true too, what is true to you when it comes to how the people around you should behave?
Take the time to think of your partner, your sister, your parents, and your kids…?
Step 2. Question its validity and veracity.
The interesting thing is of course to start by being more aware.
Then of course, no beating ourselves up for finding out how we think people should behave!
And in this step, it’s all about questioning if it’s really true or if it’s just something we’re thinking without being 100% sure that it’s the real truth?
On what is it based? Where is it coming from?
This also explains why we all have different rules for some same situations!
For example, the way to sit at a dinner table.
Who’s right, who’s wrong?
Step 3. Consider how you would feel without the manual!
The reason we have manuals is actually: If people follow my manual, I’m going to feel good.
Things will make sense to me.
But so it also means that if people are NOT following our manual, we’re not going to feel good!
Kind of problematic because as I loooove to say, I find in my own life at least, that people are really bad at doing what I want them to do!
They don’t want to comply! Why?! It would make my life so much easier!
The reason why and it’s something that will bring you so much more peace if you decide to believe it, it’s that adults get to behave the way they want to.
And sit with this a minute or two!
Since the only reason, we have manuals is that, if people are following it, we’re feeling good.
But why are we delegating our emotional life, the way we feel to other people?
Take care of your emotional life before handling it with other people!
Take one sentence that you believe is how your mother should behave.
How would you feel if she would comply? Quiet? Relaxed? Fulfilled?
What if you could feel this way without your mom having to do anything?
This goes with the idea of Byron Katie too: Who would you be without that thought?
Who would you be without thinking that this is how a “good mother” should behave?
What if you would let people behave exactly how YOU want to behave?
Then, it also means that you can behave the way you want to! Imagine what a world it would be, people doing what they truly want to do! No people-pleasing!
Part 2: The manual you have for the world and society!
The interesting part here is that the world and society aren’t waiting for your opinion to just go on!
Interesting, right? 😉
This could also release a lot of pressure! Recognizing that not all of the world depends on what we are doing and what we are thinking.
But let’s go step by step!
Step 1. Recognize that you have this manual.
Your manual may have rules such as:
- People shouldn’t get sick.
- It shouldn’t rain today.
- Politicians should do a better job.
- Education should be better.
Byron Katie likes to say that “When I argue with reality I lose, but just 100% of the time”.
She says that we should accept what is happening in the world and feel more peaceful towards it. She likes to ask:
Why are politicians are doing their job this way? Just because they are!
That sounds very simple but I agree with her about the idea of arguing with reality.
And I see it more as “ok, this is what I think about the world (education should be better) and what is actually in my control? What impact can I have?”
But if we go back to the steps, the first step is to uncover what manual you have for the world and society.
It goes also with how we think that companies should behave:
- They should offer better customer service.
- They should be on time.
- They should build better houses.
Byron Katie would answer to that: they shouldn’t until they do!
So… What are your rules for the world and society?
Step 2. Question its validity and veracity.
As always, you don’t have to go to the complete opposite by thinking that our world is perfect!
But when you think “Politicians should do a better job”, how do you feel?
And what impact do you actually have?
I think that it’s essential to see what is important to us and complain for a few minutes but then, you realize that it’s not taking you anywhere!
So, take the time now to really question what if your manual for the world has rules that aren’t necessarily true?
Step 3. Consider how you would feel without the manual!
And of course, how would you feel if you would not have all of these rules?
The customer service is not good?
It’s not a problem until you think it is!
Imagine you wouldn’t think that it’s a problem! How different would you behave at the moment?
How different could your life look like?
I know that it may sound a bit extreme but unless you’re really taking action, I’m not sure it’s really worth your time to complain and wish the world would be different!
The difference is in your actions, and what you’re doing knowing that this is important for you.
Try to catch yourself when you see that you believe rules about the world that don’t make you feel good!
Just be more aware! 🙂
Part 3: The manual you have for yourself!
This is the one that we all have 100% and that we really consider as real real truth!
Let’s have a look at it for yourself…
Step 1. Recognize that you have this manual.
What kind of rules do you have for yourself?
Maybe…
- I could have done this better!
- I should know better.
- I should not have said that.
- It’s not something that I should have done.
- I should always be honest.
- I should be very generous.
Take a minute to think about what rules you may have…?
Something that again, you believe to be really true and that it makes sense! (At least until now!).
Step 2. Question its validity and veracity.
Where did you pick up this idea?
What if it’s not true?
Imagine if a dear friend of yours would say the same about themselves, what would you think?! That it’s not true right? That it’s all made up in their head!
Here, just take the time to have a look at it from a place of curiosity and compassion.
And comfort yourself that “of course, you’re thinking this!”, it really makes sense!
But you don’t have to continue to choose to think that and Yes! I used the word “choose” because when you realize that you are choosing to think that, you get back authority over it!
We don’t control what we are thinking but we can choose if we want to keep on believing it or not.
Step 3. Consider how you would feel without the manual!
Imagine if you have the thought “I should not have said that!”.
You see your brain offering you this thought but you just imagine not believing it!
How would you feel? How would you behave differently?
It’s a fact that we have rules on how we should behave, what is acceptable and what is not.
What if we would first be aware of those thoughts and then, release those rules!
We already did it for others and for the world.
Now, it’s your turn! Set yourself free from what you think you should do or be!
How could that make you feel? How are you going to feel?
The Genius Discovery GOLDEN Ticket!
If all of this sounds interesting but quite overwhelming and you don’t really know where to start, I can help you!
I always like to share practical information but I want to keep it simple, always.
So, if you want to see how this could work for you and how you can genuinely FEEL BETTER, be more aware of the manuals that you may have for others, the world, and yourself, and let me show you the power of coaching, you’re going to love this!
It’s going to change your life because you’ll be able to use it in every area of your life!! Self-coaching is an amazing skill!!
Get your 45′ coaching session for FREE and see how coaching can truly make you feel better, and more relaxed, and question every rule you may have that keeps on making you miserable because let’s face it again, people are really bad at complying, right? 🙂
What do you have to lose to try something new? 🙂
Grab your GOLDEN Ticket right now!
Of course, it helps with your confidence!
Understanding that we have less control over the world and others than we think we do is really freeing!
You let go of the pressure and the stress around yourself or people following your manual!
You feel more in control because you understand what you do have control over and what you do not!
And this is an amazing boost for your confidence!
Also, you’ll have so much more fun with the people around you, they will see it and will ask you what has changed! You’ll answer “I released all my manuals!” 😉
To sum up!
So, pay attention to what you are thinking, to how others, the world, and yourself have to feel!
You can feel any way you want just because you choose to!
No one has to do anything! Which again, is very freeing!
You can also agree to do things you actually DO want to do and say no to things you do not want to do!
What a world it would be, right? 🙂
