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This is a very common situation that I see a lot with my coaching clients.
I see it also in my life, of course, I’m only human!! Like the song!
So, I thought it would be good to address it here!
Let’s see what I mean by that and how it’s going to be helpful when it comes to feeling more confident…
When we want someone to love us…
What I paid attention to a lot recently is this need that we have for other people to approve of us and for other people to love us.
Of course, that we NEED other people in our life, we need this human connection, we are wired for this!
But I think that we are also asking others to do A LOT more because we are not doing it for ourselves in the first place…
What do I mean? In what situations for example?
Think about a specific situation in your life in that you feel like you would love the approval of someone.
Something you’ve been doing at work or in your life and you want someone to tell you something such as “you’re working so hard” or “you’re such a great mom” or “you’re an amazing friend”…
I think now of a client that really wanted people to tell her that they were proud of her.
The real and more impactful question here is the following: No matter what you want this approbation from someone, are you giving it to yourself in the first place?
And this definitely goes with the example of LOVE!
We want other people (our +1, our friends, our parents, our parents-in-law!…) to love us so much!!
So then, we can feel love for ourselves!
But are we giving ourselves this love?!
It’s not that easy to grab because it’s not easily measurable but you can definitely ask yourself these 2 questions and think about them:
- From whom do I want to get some approval, some applause…?
- From whom do I want to get loved more, to get more attention, more proof of love?
And again, there’s nothing wrong with asking someone to give you that approval, that love, but we should not hang out our emotions on them.
This means, expect THEM and only THEM to give it to us so we can feel approved and loved!
We absolutely have to start by giving it to us in the first place!
How to give it to yourself then?
When you take care of yourself first, you’re also coming to other people less needy which let’s face it, is a bit more pleasant!
So, the question is: How can you approve of yourself? What would that look like for you?
What do you want to be telling yourself about that thing that you want to get approval for?
And when it comes to loving yourself.
We really want other people to give us more love and more attention.
How can you give YOURSELF more love and more attention? What would that look like for you?
For example, I like realizing that I really want my husband to do something for me and discover that I’m not doing it for myself in the first place.
I see that I’m going to feel better much faster because I actually don’t need HIM to do anything but I, MYSELF, can take care of this for myself!
It’s so empowering to discover this!
To me, it looks like taking a really nice shower, putting on some nice body lotion after, taking a few deep breaths, and relaxing while listening to a few songs that I love.
I find that it’s not really what I’m doing that makes the difference but it’s the intention behind it, to really take care of myself, to say nice things to myself and to acknowledge that self-love is a journey with ups and downs.
And I discover also how it’s understandable that I want other people to do this for me, we always love giving advice, wanting other people to do things so WE don’t have to do it! 🙂
But I’ve discovered with myself and with my clients that it’s much more efficient if we are doing it ourselves! 🙂
I think the world would be in another place if we could all take care of ourselves FIRST, giving OURSELVES this approval, this attention and this love and then other people are just a bonus! 🙂
The funny thing is that, when we do it more ourselves, people are doing it for us easier I find and much more natural than if we ask THEM to do it!
It goes also with the saying “No love from someone else can compensate with the love you’re not giving to yourself”, LOVE IT!!! 🙂
Your GOLDEN Ticket!
You now see how much our THOUGHTS create our reality.
No matter the situation, the emotions you’re having, the actions you’re going to take are DIRECTLY related to what you are thinking.
So, if you have a problem in your life, it’s actually a thought problem.
So… Discover how coaching can definitely change anything that you want to be different in your life.
Let me show you the POWER of coaching. Let’s have some fun too! It does not have to be too serious or too complicated to be life-changing!
Let me show you how to do that! 🙂
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