What if you could learn how to let it go?
Discover these 8 awesome tips so you can take full control of your life starting today!
Let’s dive right in!
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I am going to let you know how to let go of those past experiences that have continued to hold you back.
You have those nostalgic memories that you would instead record in a CD than lose them altogether, right?
Well, what you are about to read is a well-researched article, blended with my vast experience in personal development writing.
It is, therefore, the perfect recipe for everything you need to let go of.
Further, I have used the most straightforward language and terms to help you comprehend this essential topic in the best manner possible.
So if you don’t understand that psychology jargon, then this is the perfect place to scroll for information.
Let’s get started! 🙂
What does it mean to let go?
“Just let it go! Let it go!”
Don’t we hear this all the time? At least everyone we know just wants us to let go.
However, it is always tricky, and most of the time seems impossible for the person holding it.
Before I get into ways of letting go of the past, let us find out what letting go means.
The ultimate goal of letting go is to offer us freedom.
Let me tell you how.
How we view and experience the present moment isn’t pre-determined by our past.
Why am I saying this?
Because even if the past is littered with pain and bitterness, letting go alone allows us to focus on what is happening currently entirely.
We all have our attention to what is happening now if we decide to forget the past.
But it’s not just that!
Letting go of the past allows us to wholly experience the warmth of the sun along the pristine sandy beaches on a summer afternoon.
Focusing on the present gives you the time and opportunity to appreciate the love and a friend you are talking to.
You equally begin to notice the soothing melody of a piece of music that you find beautiful.
Back to what letting go means before we sweep it under the carpet.
To help us with a better understanding of this matter, we will find out why is it that we hold on in the first place.
You see, most of us tend to hold on because of what someone did or didn’t do to us. We hold on because we lost someone, and we believe we could still get back together.
The whole issue here is that we tend to believe that by holding on, we can change the circumstances. We are like, just hang on there, they might change their minds.
That belief, though common, is toxic and leads us to a habit or stage known as bargaining.
Now listen.
We hold on to people or things or places because we never anticipated their loss in the first place.
But, it becomes dangerous when we are stuck at the bargaining stage of this whole process.
So in simple terms, letting go would mean to stop holding something or someone. In this context, to let go means to stop holding on to the past and focus on the present.
However, you need to know this:
Letting go is a rigorous, confusing, and painful process, just like grief. I mean, you just don’t know what will happen next, and everything around you feels unique and different.
The most exciting thing about letting go is that one day you wake up and feel it is the best thing you ever did. On another different cold morning, you start doubting yourself and the guilt just doesn’t go away.
Nonetheless, there is always a way out.
So how do you let go of the past? 8 tips on how to let it go!
Below is a detailed and comprehensive guide on how to let go of the past and be happy.
Let’s dive right in!
1. Let go of the images that you have, visualize something else!
One of the best ways of remembering things is through visualization. The images created in your mind will take almost a lifetime to go away.
I met a client during one of my life coaching sessions.
She had just come from an abusive relationship. So she was working on a way of how to cope up with the situation.
I listened to her story and couldn’t hold back my tears. I was surprised at how far people could persevere for the sake of their marriage.
So my client, let’s name her Gloria, was still nursing the scars of the marriage and needed a shoulder to lean on.
However, what surprised me is how fast she was able to accept her fate and start a new path.
The answer she gave me was profound. I still hold it close to my heart today.
This is what she told me:
“During my free time, I do close my eyes and imagine a circle with me in the center. The people I value so much are in the center. The people I don’t trust much occupy the outer circle while those I don’t even care about are in the circle furthest away from the center.”
So, what does that mean?
Now, take the thing, person, or activity you don’t want to let go of and imagine them being at the furthest end of the circle.
Visualize them outside of your circle, or world.
It may take time and a lot of discipline to do this. However, once you make it a routine, you will find it very easy to let go.
It is one of the most effective ways on how to let go of resentment!
I like how Giovanni from Live & Dare showed that holding on can do more damages than letting go… Right?
2. Let yourself feel the pain associated with letting go!
I bet most of us have been in a relationship, right?
Well, not all these relationships end as we would have wished to end. Sometimes you realize you don’t share anything in common, and the best thing to do is to part ways.
However, not many of us find it easy to let go of a relationship. How to move on from someone you love is not something you wake up to and make a decision.
The hardest part about this is feeling the loss. Once you begin to feel the pain, other forms of pain then develop as a result.
However, you need to know this.
When you decide to put away the pain and move forward, then you will be able to learn all the lessons the relationship was meant to teach you.
It is difficult to hold on to your feelings. But, what about some good cry in a room alone. That helps release stress.
I will take you through the five stages of grief and pain.
- Denial: At this stage, you can’t just understand the loss
- Bargaining: Once you are settled, you begin to work out ways on how to fix or change the outcome.
- Anger: You feel the excitement and pain of why the relationship didn’t work.
- Sadness: The loss finally begins to sink in, and you regret all the memories.
- Acceptance: At this point, you shall have experienced all the four stages and now realize the importance of acceptance.
It might not be the best routine you have to wake up to. I mean, it sucks going through such a situation.
But, what sucks more than a bitter and angry soul?
This strategy will help you in learning how to let go of grudges too!
And also how to let go of regret, definitely! 🙂
3. Create a physical distance!
One of the most proven ways to forget about your past is by detaching any physical connection.
You create a physical distance between you and the person you’re trying to let go of.
Alternatively, you can let go of stuff by moving away from them.
Out of mind, out of sight. We have heard that phrase being thrown around numerous times, haven’t we?
The famous phrase simply means that we tend to forget about someone or something if we don’t see them for a period of a long time.
And according to clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula, keeping a distance is quite a brilliant idea to help you let go of things and relationships.
This is what the doctor says,
“Creating physical or psychological distance between ourselves and the person or situation can help with letting go for the simple reason that we are not having to think about it, process it, or being reminded of it as much.”
This is also a great help when it comes to knowing how do you let go of someone you love.
4. Practice more self-care!
As I mentioned earlier, I am a personal development enthusiast and life coach.
One of the many recommendations I always give to people going through depression and trauma is to check on themselves.
The first person to love you must be yourself.
By that, I mean you must create time for yourself, avoid things that make you sad, and prioritizing your own needs first.
One of the many articles I love reading, and which I wrote, is called 30 days self-care challenge.
I have comprehensively covered what you can do for a whole month without getting bore and hating yourself.
“The more we can implement self-care into our daily lives, the more empowered we are. From that space, our hurts don’t feel as overwhelming,” writes Dr. Ramani.
5. Surround yourself with people who encourage and lift you up!
Show me your friends, and I will tell you the kind of person you are.
Well, the above phrase is not just a simple exclamation. It tells us the kind of people we associate with impact significantly on our traits.
Surrounding yourself with positive people might look like a simple tip, but it is a compelling method of taking you through a lot.
You see, our emotions are, to some extent, attached to our environment and the people around us. It, therefore, means that we must always share our problems with other people.
“Allowing ourselves to lean on loved ones and their support is such a wonderful way of not only limiting isolation but of reminding us of the good that is in our lives.” Anonymous
6. Visualize their interest away from you and wish them well!
Do you remember we talked about the concentric circle?
Yes, it’s that circle that helps you to push away those people and things you don’t need in your life.
Sometimes you find out that your obsession with your relationship or your past is just irritating.
When you are confronted with such a situation, you need to use your concentric circle to create separation.
The concentric center provides you with a way to get back to the center and focus more on yourself.
The danger of obsession lies in overlooking the self-care tips and challenges. Your attention can no longer focus on what you need. Instead, it focuses on what the other person needs to change.
But, you should redirect your energy back to you.
More importantly, visualize them in a new life and wish them well!
This can definitely help you also to learn how to let go of guilt.
7. Focus more on what you have control of!
When we refuse to let go of negativity and relationships, we continue with the habit of manipulating the outcome of our thoughts. When you have control over something, you develop some false sense of safety.
So any time you try to influence the outcome, the power of control depletes your energy. You can also learn how to let go of fear at the same time.
Life itself is a miracle. That is why we are reminded every day that we cannot control the length of life.
However, you can influence the width and height within which you live.
It is the same with letting go of anger. You can’t control what is outside of you, no matter how hard you try.
But this is why you’re here to learn how to let it go!
I could write more about how to let go of control, but I think that you can already ask yourself this question: What is really in your control? Have control over this! 🙂
8. Seek professional help!
Sometimes you may find it quite challenging to implement the tips we’ve discussed on your own.
Maybe you are struggling to let go of resentment and be happy. Or perhaps you are trying to let go of everything regarding your past
If your situation proves to be more complicated, you can as well reach out to any professional and seek further help.
Importantly, never feel shy about coming out to share your experiences with close confidants.
Why is it so important to learn to let go?
What you don’t know won’t hurt you.
Incredible changes will take place in your life if you decide to take control of what you have power over.
Craving on what you can’t get will only pile more misery and depression.
So letting go of the relationship will unchain you from any emotional lockdown.
You can begin to look at life in a whole different scenario, without having to compromise on your thinking.
How letting go can help you build self-confidence
Refusing to let go of makes us think that we are worthless and desperate.
Imagine holding on to a toxic relationship that nearly cost you your life.
And because you have refused to let go of feelings, you continually chase on a guy who doesn’t even think about you.
Letting go essentially means you have accepted to love and care for yourself. And as we discussed earlier, self-confidence begins with loving and appreciating who you are.
How to let go Quotes
Letting go is never easy.
However, it is necessary if we want to move forward happy and confident.
Here are 15 quotes to help you with the process of letting go.
- “Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” – Deborah
- “We can’t be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea. Holding onto something that is good for you now, may be the very reason why you don’t have something better.” – C. JoyBell C.
- “Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” – Steve Maraboli
- “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default.” – J. K. Rowling
- “Let go of certainty. The opposite isn’t uncertainty. It’s openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.” – Tony Schwartz
- “Renew, release, let go. Yesterday’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t “should’ve” done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!” – Steve Maraboli
- “Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” – Ann Lander
- “The day I understood everything was the day I stopped trying to figure everything out. The day I knew peace was the day I let everything go.” – C. JoyBell C.
- “The only thing a person can ever really do is keep moving forward. Take that big leap forward without hesitation, without once looking back. Simply forget the past and forge toward the future.” – Alyson Noel
- “When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” -Catherine Ponder
- “I demolish my bridges behind me…then there is no choice but to move forward.”– Fridtjof Nansen
- “To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own.” – Jack Kornfield
- “You can’t possibly embrace that new relationship, that new companion, that new career, that new friendship, or that new life you want, while you’re still holding on to the baggage of the last one. Let go… and allow yourself to embrace what is waiting for you right at your feet.” – Steve Maraboli
- “Today expect something good to happen to you no matter what occurred yesterday. Realize the past no longer holds you captive. It can only continue to hurt you if you hold on to it. Let the past go. A simply abundant world awaits.” – Sarah
- “Pain will leave you, when you let go” Jeremy Aldana
To sum up!
As you can see, how to let it got isn’t something that is easy to do… But you can definitely make a difference by already being aware of the way that you are feeling!
Remind yourself that your past only exists in the thoughts that you have about it.
YOU decide what to do with what you’ve been through in your life! 🙂
Take full control of your life starting right now! 🙂
